​​​​​​​How To Tell If Your Dog Worships Satan

Route 66-Me, Hugo, Isabelle & Abraham Lincoln's family-sm.jpg

When I was in the hospital in 2002, my friend Joel brought me a copy of the Weekly World News, a tabloid he liked to buy for the sheer ridiculousness of it. We read it together and laughed a lot. It was very therapeutic. I can't remember any specific stories from that issue, but here are a few standouts from the archives:

WEEKLY WORLD NEWS - 'THE WORLD'S ONLY RELIABLE NEWS'
I Was Bigfoot's Sex Slave
Kitten Guilty Of Murder
Do-It-Yourself Electroshock Treatment
Headless Body In Topless Bar
Abraham Lincoln Was A Woman
How To Tell If Your Dog Worships Satan
Man Knocks Himself Out With Boomerang, Then Sues Himself For $300,000

Good to be home

  model railroad museum. crockett, ca.

model railroad museum. crockett, ca.

JOURNAL - JUNE 11, 2017

On the train ride home we go straight to the cafe car: Hugo gets the cheese and crackers plate, I get a beer and some pretzel chips.

We go upstairs and find a booth. He listens to Charlie Parker on his phone, and I read the Davis High paper, looking for last names I recognize - maybe the kids of people I knew in high school.

We get off at the Berkeley station and search for the quarter we put on the tracks before we left, but don’t find it. Next time we’ll put one further down the track so it won’t get picked up by someone else.

Back at our house Isabelle is in the kitchen with her friend Daniel. They're baking pear tarts. The smell is heavenly.

Even though we were only gone for the day, it feels really good to be home.

It's all so same

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Today is like any other day. There is no reason to talk about it. It is so boring.

Let me tell you about how boring it is.

It is so boring that I can't even describe it.

But I will try.

I must try.

Today is a lot, lot, lot boring. Everything the same. Nothing new. Nothing better than yesterday.

Brush my teeth - same.

Put on sox - same.

Eat some cereal - same (taste is the same, chewing is the same).

I say "Good morning" to my wife - same.

She says "Good morning, dear" - same.

I make some tea - same.

Water too hot, burns my tongue - same.

I get mad and grumpy - same.

I look out the window: the sky, the sun, the clouds - same!

It is all so same! How do you expect me to get excited!

Same, same, same!

 

I do like the way the sky looks, though.

And how the cereal tastes.

And the way my wife says "dear".

And the tea. Once my tongue stops hurting.

An air of mystery

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SCRAPS OF PAPER IN MY POCKETS

Choose your delusions wisely. If you don’t, they will choose you. 

The ephemeral nature of feeling confident, courageous, open hearted: a disapproving expression can wipe it out completely.

Candlelight finances — as with any relationship, an air of mystery keeps things interesting.

She never does that!

  dogs & donkeys in italy 2001

dogs & donkeys in italy 2001

animals usually like me. that makes me feel good. when i'm at someone's house and their cat sits in my lap, and the host says "she never does that!", i feel special. and if the cat doesn't sit in my lap, and sits in someone else's, i feel a little disappointed and envious.

p.s. - i never try to get the cat to sit in my lap. that never works. when others try it, i think "rookie mistake".