It’s 8:34 AM and I’ve already told my phone to f**k off twice because it keeps trying to correct things I’m typing that are not incorrect. Jesus. Get a life, phone.
Things that were said at the urinal in the boys bathroom in middle school:
What’s the matter, can’t find it?
If you shake it more than twice you’re playing with yourself.
When I get in my car I say out loud where I’m going and how I’m going to get there. Otherwise I start thinking about other things and before I know it my car has decided where it wants to go, which could be anywhere.