Someone else


Spent the day at the beach, so I’m turning in early. Here are some Demetri Martin jokes so you don’t go away empty handed:

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. 

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

Vests are all about protection. A life-vest protects you from drowning, a bullet-proof vest protects you from getting shot, and a sweater-vest protects you from pretty girls.