Unavoidable realization

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JOURNAL :: MARCH 26, 2017

Watched the movie Jackie last night. Pretty heavy. Disorienting. Intentionally so. This morning I woke up with a headache and a tense jaw, thinking about the scene with the priest. He said something that surprised me about the search for meaning in life: when we come to the realization that there are no answers, we can either kill ourselves (that's the part that surprised me - that a priest would say that), or we just go on. There was something else he said after that that I missed, so I rewatched the scene:

"There comes a time in man's search for meaning when one realizes that there are no answers. And when you come to that horrible, unavoidable realization, you accept it or you kill yourself. Or you simply stop searching... I have lived a blessed life. And yet every night, when I climb into bed, turn off the lights, and stare in to the dark, I wonder... Is this all there is?"

 As I wrote down that dialogue I was aware that I am searching, even while watching a movie, for answers. Answers that don’t exist.